The Walking Crackheads
by LM3ALLEM
Summary: If you like totally random and strange Walking Dead video game stories, than this is the place for you. (WARNING: These stories make no sense and may blow your mind, viewer discretion is advised.)
1. French Kissin'

**A/N: What the hell am I doing with my life..**

**The Walking Crackheads, enjoy!**

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"Suck my ass sempi." Nick says while on the floor of the storage room, Luke and Clem just came looking for him and found him here, where Clementine left him actually.

"Nick, you're drunk as fuck man." Luke says, he walks over to help Nick up, but Nick grabs onto Luke's leg. Latching himself onto it, like a fungus.

"Nick, what are you doing?" Clementine asked from the doorway, her eyes almost about to pop out of her head at what she was witnessing.

Nick started to lick Luke's leg, "Nick, what the fuck!?" Luke exclaims in horror. "Sempi.." Nick mutters as he starts to now french kiss Luke's leg.

Clementine's jaw probably fell to the floor, hitting it with a bang. She couldn't believe what she was witnessing, _Nick is making out with Luke's leg!_

"Clementine help me!" Luke yells as Nick sucks harder on the now soaked area on his jeans. Clementine runs over and tries to yank Nick off, but he just. Keeps. Sucking.

Sounds pretty dirty. "Faster sempi!" Nick yells out as he starts letting hot, husky, breaths out. "AHH I'M SO CLOSE SEMPI!" He calls out again.

"NICK DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING HAVE A ORGASM!" Luke screams, tries to unhook Nicks hands by rubbing them on a nearby shelf.

"Fuck this." Clementine says walking out of the room, "Don't leave! HELP!" Luke cries out as Nick wraps his legs around Luke's leg. "Suck my ass! Suck my ass!" Nick starts to chant.

Luke, was terrified and that was the last day anyone every saw them. The last thing that the rest of the cabin group could record of them was Luke running out of the storage room with Nick still latched onto his leg.

Luke ran into the forest around them, dragging Nick the entire way. It's still reported that if you go into those woods at night, you could hear Nick still yelling,"_Suck my ass sempi."_

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**A/N: I'M DONE! I CAN'T HANDLE THIS CRAP, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?**

**Well...I hope you enjoyed..Make sure to review and favorite...If you want more of this stuff, feel free to let me know...**

**#mena4lyfe (LenaXMolly), officially decided! Support the ship!**

**~GHOST**


	2. Kenny is love, Kenny is life

**A/N: Well, I'm back for another chapter, and you know what that means...I got more ideas. This is kinda rated M..So, you can guess where this is going. **

**The Walking Crackheads, chapter two, enjoy!**

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Lee went down and sat in his bed, head in his hands and started to contemplate his life. It was so fucked up, but it was what it was.

He loved Kenny so much, he had pictures of the god stapled to his walls and shavings of his majestic mustache in a jar. He would open up his shrine every night and pray to the all mighty Kenny.

He would stare out his window every day to see Kenny protecting the group with his powerful stache'. Clementine suddenly opens the door and glares at Lee.

Clementine calls Kenny a faggot, but Lee knows she's just jealous of his devotion for him. Lee calls her a cunt. She slaps him and sends him to bed.

He's crying now and his face hurts, suddenly, he feels something touch him. Lee looks up to see Kenny, he's so happy. He smiles at Lee and grabs him, placing him on his hands and knees.

Lee will do anything to please the all mighty Kenny, Kenny whispers in Lee's ear, "This is my boat." Lee feels his insides explode with Joy.

Lee spread his ass cheeks for Kenny, he's ready. Kenny penetrates Lee's butt hole, It hurts so much, but he does it for Kenny.

Kenny roars a powerful roar as he fills Lee's ass with his love. Lee pushes against his force, he needs to please Kenny.

Clementine walks in and says, "What the fuck?" Kenny then looks her straight in the eyes and says, "It's better now darlin'."

Kenny leaves through Lee's window, Kenny is love...Kenny is life...

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**A/N: What the fuck goes through my head when I write this shit, I might have to go to a mental hospital if this keeps up. **

**Alright, I'll post a chapter a day if you guys want me to! Would you? Let me know in the reviews!**

**~GHOST**


	3. Guess not

**What sparks this in my mind!?**

**The Walking Crackheads, chapter three, enjoy!**

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Luke's corpse drifted around in the cold lake water, unmoving and pale. Suddenly, bubbles and glowing streams of light swirled around his body.

Something strange was happening, _but who am I to know? I'm a fucking narrator, I'm just following the script!_

Luke was finally engulfed by the 'magical' light surrounding around his body, the bubbles and light subsided and Luke's eyes snapped open.

Luke could feel, touch, and somehow breathe, but something unnatural was going on. Luke had...A tail.

"Holy shit." He says, still unknowing of how he could actually breathe and talk underwater.

_I'm a fucking merman!_Luke thinks to himself, "I'm alive and I got a fucking tail!" He screams happily underwater.

The shinny orange scales on his majestic tail glistened in the light that managed to get through the dense ice above.

"WHOOOOOO! I'M A MERMAN!" He yells out, swiming around in circles and doing loops,"FUCK YOU WALKERS! FUCK YOU!"

Then it hit him like a truck, the group.

"Wait! I need to show the group this!" He says excited, swims up like a torpedo, breaking a hole in the ice on impact.

He was like a animal at sea world, flying about ten feet into the air after breaking the ice. He slams against the ice on the way down, surprisingly, It didn't crack.

It didn't hurt him at all, _Is this_ _guy invincible or some shit? He literally hit that ice so fucking hard and it didn't break, he stepped on it like five minutes ago and it broke, and he probably weighs a hole lot fucking more than he did minutes ago, especially with that majestic tail._

_And it didn't even hurt him! You know what? Fuck this, I'm not applying logic to a story like this anymore, I'm only doing this to get paid._

Luke crawls on the ice, getting closer and closer to shore every time he pushed himeself forward. Finally, he made it to land, his tail slapping against the ground like if he was some excited dog.

A little unfinished house stood there, smoke rising from out of the brick chimney. Through the windows sat Clementine, "Time to get scared kid." Luke murmured to himself evilly.

He stealthily crawled up the little slope leading to the window, his tail leaving a large, what seemed like a, trench.

"BOO!" He yelled through the glass, Clementine practically jumped and turned to the 'merman', "Did I scare you?" He asks through the glass.

Clementine took a second to scan Luke with her golden eyes, "Y-you have-" Clementine stutters, but Luke cuts her off.

"A majestic tail?" He asks smirking at her, but she quickly covers her eyes and points to his chest.

Luke's eyes follow her finger and Luke almost fainted at what he saw...Luke...had tits.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
_  
_

_I guess Luke was never a 'merman'._

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**A/N: Alright...Here's the chapter for today...Thanks for reading...make sure to reveiw...**

**~GHOST**


	4. Twerk off

**A/N: Mah god. I'm back! Expect a chapter everyday except for the weekends, I'll need that time to write TMWB, thanks guys for all the awesome comments!** **They really make my day!**

**The Walking Crackheads, chapter four, enjoy!**

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_I hate my life, I have to read out this stupid script for this crack book. Like, If they weren't paying me tons of moola, per chapter, I would be outta here in a heart beat._

Loud dance hip-hop music was playing at it's max volume throughout the lodge, everyone couldn't control their actions, they were almost dancing without permission. They at were dancing to the beat in the center of the lodge, jamming out and, overall, having a good time.

Suddenly, the music changes and turns to a song by the name of 'Biggie Bounce'. The beginning sounded just fine, Clementine managed to do the dying tuna on the hardwood floor and everyone clapped for her.

Then the song started to go a deferent way, '_Shake them ass and tites'. _And Nick took his opportunity to work out a skill that he's been practicing for awhile.

"TWERK OFF!" He calls out, he walks over stands in the center of everyone and waits for his opponent to set the stage as well, and look who we have here.

Luke makes his way to the center and folds his arms with an expression on his face saying, _You're going down, bitch. _Clementine stands in-between them and says,"Alright! The best twerker may win! Ready..Set..GO!"

And they were off, Nick was first, already bent over and shaking the majestic ass he had. **(I can't ****believe I'm describing twerking)** His ass cheeks slapping together as his moved even faster.

He started doing extra moves off to the side, including...Air humping. It was finally Luke's turn, he does an impressive backflip, which the audience claps for.

He then starts shaking his ass, up and down, right and left. Then ending his series of butt claps with a little break dance on the floor.

"LUKE! LUKE! LUKE!" The audience were chanting,"Enough!" Clementine calls out,"Luke is the winner, Luke, what would you like as a prize?"

Luke looks Nick dead in the eyes and says with a devilish smirk,

"I want sempi to suck my ass."

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**A/N: Kill me now. I can't believe I just wrote that...**

**~GHOST**


	5. Skittles

**A/N: I hate my life. **

**The Walking Crackheads, chapter five, enjoy!**

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Clementine and Sarah were in the cabin, waiting for the others to return from finding Nick, they were bored as hell and decided to look around for something to do.

"CLEMENTINE, LOOK WHAT I FOUND!" Sarah called from downstairs, Clem instantly stopped what see was doing and rushed down the stairs.

She needed to be amused or she will die of boredom, while other people in the world are fighting for their lives and getting ripped to shreds this very minute, little Clementine here is bored.

Clem came down and saw Sarah in the doorway to the kitchen holding something behind her back, whatever it was, it had her smiling like a maniac.

"Sarah, what do have?" Clem asked, just a bit of uneasiness lingering in her voice, it had Clementine a bit worried.

Sarah's lips broke into a wide grin, then pulling out a bag of 'skittles'. It looked brand new, like it just came out of the factory. The skittles inside swishing around, Clem could feel drool hanging out of her mouth.

"I'll have some first, then you can have some." Sarah says, she opens up the bag with a bit of force and pulls out a handful of the delectable multi colored drops of heaven.

She puts the handful into her mouth and hands the bag to Clementine. Clem couldn't control herself, she took the bag and poured ALL the skittles down her tiny troat.

Munching them up and swallowing them, once they were all down, Clementine just stood there, unmoving.

"Clem...You okay?" Sarah asks concerned for her new 'friend'. "SKITTLES!" Clementine yells out, her eyes dilating, energy pumping vigorously through her veins.

"Wha.." "SKITTLES!" Clementine shouts again, Sarah was paralyzed with confusion. Clementine started running around the cabin screaming, "SKITTLES!" The entire time.

She starts jumping up and down on the stairs, "FUCK THE WORLD! SKITTLES!" She screams again.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, Clementine ran over and unlocked the door, a man with a brown coat and some facial hair stood there.

Before the man could get even get a word out of his mouth, Clementine bellowed, "SUCK ON THESE SKITTLES!"

The man was extremely confused, then, It became too much. Clementine burst through the door like sonic, she ran into the woods while screaming, "EAT ON MY SKITTLES!"

And that was the day everyone died, the end :)

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**A/N: Fuck my life.**

**~GHOST**


	6. TURTLEZ

**A/N: This is the final chapter for the week, no chapters on the weekends! **

**The Walking Crackheads, chapter six, enjoy!**

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Sarah dug around in her small backpack, Rebecca and Alvin were chatting behind her and Carlos was talking to Luke, probably about Nick.

Clementine was in the little tourist shop looking for some sort of food, they were all starving, but Sarah needed to eat, NOW.

She continued to dig around until she came across something that was hidden by piles of clothes at the bottom of the bag.

A wand, but not any old wand, a magic wand. Sarah had the urge to just open her mouth and scream out 'cool', but she wanted to have a little fun.

She pulls out the wand and spins around to Rebecca and Alvin, they didn't notice the dark brown wand being pointed straight at them

"Abracadabra!" She says, a stream of light shoots from the wand and at the two adults, but there wasn't two adults there anymore.

Sitting on that same log was two small turtles, they just sat there. Sarah just turned Rebecca and Alvin into turtles, and she loved it.

Sarah got up and pointed the wand at Nick, he looked over and before a single word left his mouth, he too, was a turtle.

"YAY!" Sarah yells out excited, she then turned to Carlos and Luke. In no time, they were turtles as well.

Suddenly, Sarah's tummy began to grumble and growl, Sarah needed food, and she would just about eat anything at this point...Anything...

...

Clementine was now finished scavenging the small shop, she put her new knife in her purple backpack and made her way to the door.

She pushed it open and saw Sarah sitting on the floor just a couple feet in front of her, turtle shells littered the ground around her.

She had a hand over her belly, which was probably full, but what of? Sarah looked up and stared at Clem with an evil smile.

"TURTLEZ!"

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**A/N: How the fuck do I come up with these ideas.**

**~GHOST**


	7. Male Pregnancy, Kinda

**A/N: I'M BACK! **

**The Walking Crackheads, chapter seven, enjoy!**

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"LUKE!" Nick screamed as they ran even further into the woods, Carvers men were chasing them down and they needed to get out of there, now.

"NICK! We need to hide, hurry!" Luke yells back at him as they doge another tree, Troy's shouting dense trees is getting closer.

"Luke! I have an idea," Nick says, he stops Luke dead in his tracks and turns to Nick. "Eat me."

"Okay."

***Nine months later***

Luke looked like a watermelon, one giant, fat, watermelon. He had to wear Rebecca's clothes, his orange sweater ripped at least six months into his 'pregnancy'.

It was time for Nick to be reborn, being in one of Luke's balls for about nine months has been a journey. He can't even pee by himself, he's way too fat!

But, today is the day, Nicky will see the light again. Luke sat there on the floor, legs spread open, pants off.

"CLEM! Shield your eyes! It's his dingleberry stew!" Kenny screams, Clem was paralyzed, so, Jane ran over to Clem and pushed her out of the way. She would probably turn to stone if she didn't.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NICK'S RIPPING MY DICK APART!" Luke screams in agony, he keeps pushing though.

"JUST ONE MORE!" Rebecca screams at him, he lets out another blood curtailing scream, then, it all stopped.

There Nick was. Covered in white juice, sitting in the middle of Luke's legs, before anyone of the group could say anything, Nick opened his disgusted mouth and said...

"Dude...LETS DO THAT AGAIN!"

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**A/N: *JUMPS INTO A VOLCANO*  
~GHOST**


	8. Milk Chocolate

**I literally tried drinking while re-reading it...I almost choked.**

**The Walking Crackheads, chapter eight, enjoy!**

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Clementine was very sick, no one knew, but she needed to make sure Lee knew.

So, Clementine walked over to Lee's motel room, but something was rising in her anus.

Lee sat on his bed, his attention then turned to the eleven year-old standing his doorway.

Suddenly, Clementine gripped her ass, she looked like she was going to explode.

Lee raised an eyebrow, but he couldn't stop what would happen next. 'Milk chocolate' flooded from the girls ass.

It flew all over the room, on the walls, Lee's face, everything.

"Clementine stop!" Lee shouted as he tried to block, what seemed like, infinite shit coming at his face.

"I CAN'T LEE!" She screamed as she tried to stop, "CLEMENTINE STOP SHITTING!"

"I CAN'T STOP LEE! I CAN'T STOP!"

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**A/N: A big thanks to PeanutFangirl for the help with this chapter, she gave me an idea, and I fucking used it. While I was writing this, she kept giving me weird looks, it was awkward, well, for me at least! **

**She writes some of the best Fanfictions out there! I love every bit of them, and I'm so glad to have her as a friend. She is an amazing person and I will tell her that again! For like the millionth time now. ****But it's true, give her some love, she deserves it! #FabulousMolly**

**Also, I now have a place in the squad, yay!**

_**'Why so serious?' **_

**JOKER OUT**


	9. I am yo mother

**A/N: I'M BACK BITCHES! MISSED THIS STORY!? HELL YEAH YOU DID!**

**Quick thanks to The Rose of Hedylogos, thanks Batman! She helped me a bit with this chapter. **

**The Walking Crackheads, chapter nine, enjoy!**

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Carver walked the perimeter Howe's, searching for hoes. His majestic cape danced behind him. He just wished that his cape was a stripper. He scratched his beautiful stubble and walked right into the store on his left.

He used the force to turn on the lights. They flickered and then turned fully on. He really wanted a taste of dipshit, so, he let out a catcall. The others called it a mating call, a signal for clones of Troy in the distance.

He heard something move, like testicles scraping against gravel. He knew who it was, he could never forget that sound.

Suddenly, a figure bolted from out of some boxes and tried to make a run for it. Carver stopped the figure with his magical unicorn powers.

It was Luke.

Carver stepped over to him and looked him dead in the eyes.

"Luke, I am yo mother...Bitch."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

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**A/N: Carver, you whore.**

_**Why so serious?**_

**-JOKER OUT**


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